13 10 / 2011
Tonight was a game of truth or dare for me. Yup, at 3 AM I unwillingly experienced one of those nights (and lately, there have been many) where you cannot sleep obsessing over a simple fact. A fact that I have longed for for so many years, yet now that it is beginning to creep up on me, it is starting to irritate my sleeping patterns. It is kind of like an exam you have been cramming for all night, however the midterm I am going to take in less than 12 hours is not what is keeping me awake. To prepare for this type of test, here are the truths I am going to admit:
TRUTH #1) I am graduating from college in 64 days, 13 hours, 27 minutes, and 10 seconds… well thats when the ceremony begins at least.
TRUTH #2) I have a plan for life post-college, but nothing that guarantees me a steady paycheck… at least not for a while.
TRUTH #3) Big cities are thrilling, but just thinking about it is already overwhelming me and I haven’t even moved there yet.
TRUTH #4) I’m not sure I will know how to function without school.
TRUTH #5) I have a very supportive family.
There it is. It is all there- plain and simple. It is slightly awkward to confront my uncertainties about “the future” (dun dun dunnnnn), yet it needed to be said.
Sidenote: I always hated playing “truth or dare” in middle school. I would always take the “safe route” and choose truth, which for 11, 12, 13 year-old girls always seemed to be “Who do you have a crush on?”… thrilling, on-the-edge-of-your-seat question, I know.
But if you think about it, the good thing about this game is that there is a challenge that is presented to you in conjunction with the truth. When someone asks you “Truth or Dare?” you make a choice; either admit something you are embarrassed of or afraid to say aloud (or in this case online), or take a risk as to what type of mission or task the other person confronts you with. Here are the dares in response to the truths:
DARE #1) I get to go forward with my career! I have the chance to put all of my training to use. After years of papers, tests, juries, 8 AM classes, auditions (though that won’t be ending any time soon), and professors, I am almost done.
DARE #2) Once I get to where I want to be, I can be an example of “Do something you love, and you’ll never have to work a day in your life!” … plus, Ramen noodles are quite tasty… oh and I don’t have to worry about student loans. Thats definitely something to be grateful for.
DARE #3) I’m only young once! Might as well make it exciting in a big city with as many opportunities as I can manage.
DARE #4) I functioned without school every summer for the past 16 years! Growing up means changing your environment, your daily routine, and that’s just the way it is.
5) Yup, I do. (there’s no dare to this one… except maybe to appreciate them more often I suppose)
So I’ve come to a conclusion: Life after college = … (the dots mean “uncertainty” if you didn’t catch on) But it’s all about taking that so called “leap of faith” or what have you! It’s the same leap of faith that got me through rounds of chemotherapy when I was 17, that pushed me to go to school 12 hours away from home, and now its what will help me find a new life outside of the comforts of parents or a classroom.
Call this what you want- maybe I’m just whining, venting, or maybe I’m trying to think more optimistically about the whole thing…
In reality though, it’s just a simple game of “Truth or Dare?”
(Cue: drums.) BA DUN CHH.